


my catch twenty - you <3

by Mehitsuji



Category: Catch-22 - Joseph Heller
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Italy, Marriage, totally unironic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-12-18
Packaged: 2020-10-05 05:11:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20483414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mehitsuji/pseuds/Mehitsuji
Summary: y/n and milo get 2 know each other <3





	1. Chapter 1

my long (h/c) hair bounced as i tied it up in 2 a tight messy bun with straglges of hair in the front. As i put on my nurses cap my (e/c) orbs beamed with exceitment for the day. I had just finshed nursing school and decided to apply to the war because it would be fun and good for my country which is so very important to me also capitalism. Also to meet cute boys. My uniform was super form fiting and hugged all my curves, very often the men would whistly at me which made me feel very good about how sexy and curvy i was. I didnt have that much makeup because it was world war two so instead i did life hacks like pinching my cheeks , but one day…

It was a bright and sunny day , there were different missions being flewn in and out of the base and not many men in the hospital. Doc daneeka was like not there or something idk like fixing yossarians balls? And anyways the medical area was super relaxed, so i decided to sit down for a bit on one of the medical beds but it turns out where I sat there was actually a man and i screamed.

“OH MY GOD!!! I am so sorry did i hurt u!!”” i gasped  
“AHH!!! Yes!!!!” he scraemed sexilly, there was a bright red stain where his hand was, “ you did!!! Oh my gdo!!! Ow!!”  
“Oh my god!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” i yelled, and i moved his hand so i could do nurse stuff, but there was just a plum tomato?  
“Haha i got u right? This is a plum tomato its 5 cents” he smiled, he had a beautiful smile and flashed his white teeth at me i wondered if he used colgate “its five cents for one theyre so yummy straight from italy where i am a mayor in a town”  
“Haha very funny milo.” i smiled at him, i didnt know what he was doing here but i didnt care because i loved to see his beautiful capitalist war criminal face as much as i could. It filled me with so much happiness everytime i saw his tight pencil smile. “Hey nobody is here right now … so crazy right”  
“Yes i actually made sure of it ebcause i want to take you to Sicily with me this weekend which is now.” he smiled again, gingerly pushing a lock of hair behind my ear, as if he were calculating how much he could sell it for whilst doing so.  
“M….mil...milo…..” i stuttered, unable to control my attraction, “i cannot i am supposed to be watching over people doing nurse duties”  
“Well babey………….” he whispered in a deep low whisper which was very hot, “i….. Need u to do ur nurse duties on me because i dont have a heart.”  
I blushed madly like a plum tomato,”is it because someone stole it… someone like me….?”  
“y-y/n…..” he slurred devlishly, “ i wouldn’t really say thats why but if that what it takes for u to come with me than yeah sure……”  
“Oh milo!” i beamed, throwing my arms over his lanky shoulders. He pulled me in tightly and kissed me on my mouth with tongue even though we were in italy not france. He twireled me around with a lot of effort and immediately lead me to the plane where one of his workers was waiting for us and we immediately started to fly to sicily. I  
I cuddled my head into his shoulder which wasnt that comfortable because he was stinky but its ok because he was all mine… my boy……...mi lo(ve).  
When we landed aarfy was on the ground fucking waiting for us!!!!!! I screamed and clung to milo so hard with my arms. “What are you doing here oh no!!!!!!!!!!” i shouted “please dont tell on me!!!!!”  
He smiled evily, he had a yucky face and a gross mouth that looked like a crusted over bug bite. “ i need 2 take ur plane i like murdered someone last night and i dont wanna get arrested”  
Milo laughed “thats such a funny joke white men hardly ever get punished for the crimes they commit because we have ultimate privilege!!!!!!!!!” aarfy laughed with him. I didnt understand but they were both kind of sexy i thought so i just went along with it.  
“Yeah so anyways im stealing ur plane bye bitches.” said aarfy, he climbed on the plane and flew away.  
“Babe he stole ur fucking plane” i said  
“Babe dont worry hes a share holder too…. Also i have more because im a capitalist.” he replied, his green beany fingers wetting within my palm.  
“Fuck babe thats so hot” i said, biting my lip hopipng he would think it was kind of sexy.  
“Yeah well we’re in italy in the summer aha!” he said loudly.  
All of a sudden he got down on one knee, and i screamed.  
“Milo!!!!!!!!” i screadmed “What are you doing!!!!!!”  
“Im tying my boot” he said, confusedly.  
“M-milo…. Of course i’ll marry u.”  
He didnt mean to do that, but after realizing he would get good tax benefits to having a wife and also that he could use like a lot of his cotton supply for the wedding he was like yeah ok lets go with that.  
y/n and milo were married at sundown everyone ate chocolate covered cotton and shat their brains out after the after party.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> y/n and milo get to know each other......a little better ;) NSFW!!!!!!!!!1! this chapter is a lemon guyz pls read under immense caution xD.. protect ur ovaries

y/n sighed....... she and milo had yet to be physical.... and by physical i mean they didnt have sex yet and she has been tryna fuck. anyways... y/n brushed her hair length hair and glanced at herself in the mirror. it was the 19-world war 2 but still she had a very sexy outfit on as she waited for milo to return to their very large sleeping area. her very sexy outfit was a black lacey bra that accentuated her boobies and made them look very large (which they were), she also had on underwear and some garters that kept her sexey socks up. milo had actually gotten her all the lingerey she was wearing... he said it was straight out of italy and very expensive. He said he traded at least 3 tomatoes and a soldier for them. (which didn't matter tht much cuz he ultimately made that back since everyone is in the syndacate and milo is an expertly smart business economic man.)

y/n dragged her hand along the mirror, stroking her very beautimous face. she wondered why milo didn't seem 2 want her. she had huge boobs. i mean some serious honkers. a real set of badonkers. packin some dobonhonkeros. massive dohoonkabhankoloos. big old tonhongerekoogers. sometimes when she wore her nurses uniform unbottoned, nately would ask with a tomato face for her to maybe button it up a bit more. she stuck up her middle finger at him (milo didn't like her talking to people or characters who were morally okay.)

Even tho they slept in the same bed everynight, everytime y/n tried 2 snake her hand up his thigh he would slap her away, and then start telling her about the immense responsibility he had to deal with as the leader of a facist economic regime.

Sudeenly he walked in, his strong calves arousing y/n very much. y/n immediately shot out of her seat.

“Milo can i please get some fuck…” she said sexilly, waving one of her legs back and forth in an animailztic way that milo thought was very hot because when she did it it was like she was an animal that he might be able to sell for a good profit, like a goat or lamb or something.

She then turned around and started patting her own butt, which was also very big and sensual and her underwear said ‘money maker $$$$’ on the ass. The thought of this money immediately made milo have a penis tingle.

y/n saw his extra member do a little dance at her mating rituatl….. She shot her hand out for a tomato before licking it and taking a bit of it ,...... then rubbing it around her body. He fucking ovloved tomato juice. In response milo got on the ground on all fours and started kicking his leg like a donkey. y/n could have busted a bnut right then.

They hurried to their bed, which was probably from italy and boujee and stuffed with cash which was sexy. y/n tore off milos cloths with her teeth, he moaned so loudly y/n almost forgot he had a wife and kids back home. sh e wondered if the kids were even his.

So they were on the bed and y/n said “bbay…. Baby….i want to try somthing……. Is that okaye.” her giantly e/c orbs glanced gracefully happily and lustfully into his pools of lustey eyes. 

“I wuld let u do anything u want as long as i get my nut babey….” he groaned . at this y/n sexily walked over to the corner and did a dance with her butt. She pulled on a strap and milo said ‘what is that babe’

‘ i made it myself maybe if u like it we can sell some …..’ she replied, now with fake weiner. And it was like a big ol fake scholong. A big knob. 

Milo was turned on, and turned around for y/n to have easy access to his butt which was not as sexy or pretty as y/n but it would do.

Then y/n gave hi m a good fuck and he literally nutted so hard that he died like a drone bee. y/n cried for like 3 days, she meant for it to be good but not that good. She wanted a nut too. Not the kind u can eat but like an orgasm. But she figured it was better this way, because milo probably wasn’t any gooda t it anyways. 

With milo dead… ther was nobody 2 run the syndacate. After her third day of mourning y/n reappeared from the cave she had laid milo to sleep in. the men in the army camp gasped at her revival, she came carrying tomato wine and cotton bread.a lot of it which was great because since milo was dead they hadnt had much food come. she was super smelly but she still looked very beautiful and glamorous in her italian lingery and with her huge badonkers.

“This is my body, which is given for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” And likewise the cup after they had eaten, saying, “This cup that is poured out for you is the new covenant in my blood” the men in the camp ate the bread and drank the wine. Then they partied and nobody even remembered milo.

y/n was now the leader of the syndicate. She also realized that milo was a little fucker, like basically a nazi right. Like a mother fucker white capitalist bitch. Hes unredeamable an dnow dead, now she was the leader and had all this money. She redistributed her wealth to people who needed it and started an empire of strap ons begining a sexual revolution. 

Every year at easter the men who have been graced w her presents celebrate the day she returned from the tomb...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy holidays you animals. i wrote this while sipping wine and watching hulu with my mother. are you happy that i have sinned in her presence?


End file.
